Friends,
I received official word yesterday that our little Anastasia has indeed been adopted by this unknown Ukrainian family. We had expected this for quite some time, so receiving this news was just closure that it is indeed over. Even so, I have to admit to some measure of surprise that the judge presiding over this case would care so little about true justice so as to be able to endorse and approve of this couple's insensitivity. But then I remembered that it's Ukraine (and, indeed, a fallen world), and "justice" is just one of many factors at play.
This has been a really good summer, and a lot of the healing that seemed so impossible a couple of months ago has happened, by the grace of God. It sounds cowardly, but it's been nice to just not think about it - allowing our boys, our busy schedule, and the joys of summer to take precedence. But when I do think about it...well...I just don't understand. I guess there are things in life like that. I don't think I'll ever understand why this opportunity that seemed so beautiful and redemptive and perfect was dangled in front of us and then taken away. I am so thankful for my two sweet boys, but it is impossible to think that our family is complete now, because she was supposed to be with us too. Yet God in his sovereignty allowed this - both the giving of that hope, and the crushing of it. I don't understand. I don't ever hope to. Yet I must bow my head and surrender to His will.
So the story has been told, and this blog is no longer necessary (but if you want to read a bunch of funny, honest, God-honoring adoption stories, check out Ted's book). In fact, I'd like to distance myself from it (the blog) and turn my attention to a new endeavor. I'm publishing a cookbook in November with Gut Check Press called "Saucy Broad: A Culinary Manifesto of Hope." It's a cookbook for people who love to read (and cook). In the meantime, I'm blogging here. So go there...read...get recipes...subscribe...keep in touch...and all of that. Thank you for reading this blog, and I hope you enjoy the next one.
Love,
Kristin
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
"No Comment"
The title is another homage to Jerry Maguire - of course. Like Cush, we have not yet perfected the art of talking without saying anything. That said:
I've had lots of questions lately, if there are any new updates, and the answer is -- not really.
At this time we are waiting to hear the word that Anastasia's adoption by this other couple is final -- we have no reason to expect to hear anything else. And we don't know when this would happen -- it could be any day, I suppose, or in a few months. Most likely it will just come out of the blue with no warning and ruin another otherwise ok day.
We are also in the process of trying to untangle the finances with our agency. This, also, is just a waiting game. There doesn't seem much point in trying to speculate how much (if any) of a refund we will get back, so we're just waiting to see.
Over all, I think we've been maybe doing better. As more days go by, we are able to -- I don't know, not forget about it exactly, but it's just less raw I guess. Escapism (for us, that's mostly reading, watching movies, or hanging out with friends) has been helpful. But of course we'll run into someone who hasn't heard, and they ask, and we have to explain, and it sort of all comes back. Which is not to say that I hate people asking -- it just all seems so pointless and inexplicable, it's hard to rehash. And really nice, well meaning people say things like "well, it must be for the best" or "well, there must be something better out there for you!" (groan) -- because there is absolutely nothing worthwhile to say about such a ridiculous, rotten situation.
So sometime there will be a true end to this whole thing, and at that point we'll certainly broadcast that info. Until then (and after then, too) you can just continue to pray for God's grace to us.
And just in case you really want to wallow in it some more -- you can order Ted's new book Hello, I Love You. It's the story of our adoptions, but it's actually a compelling read because he wrote it (not me). It's actually really great, I've read it several times throughout the writing and editing process -- I just can't read it right now, it's a little too gut-wrenching for me. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't check it out -- here's the link.
I've had lots of questions lately, if there are any new updates, and the answer is -- not really.
At this time we are waiting to hear the word that Anastasia's adoption by this other couple is final -- we have no reason to expect to hear anything else. And we don't know when this would happen -- it could be any day, I suppose, or in a few months. Most likely it will just come out of the blue with no warning and ruin another otherwise ok day.
We are also in the process of trying to untangle the finances with our agency. This, also, is just a waiting game. There doesn't seem much point in trying to speculate how much (if any) of a refund we will get back, so we're just waiting to see.
Over all, I think we've been maybe doing better. As more days go by, we are able to -- I don't know, not forget about it exactly, but it's just less raw I guess. Escapism (for us, that's mostly reading, watching movies, or hanging out with friends) has been helpful. But of course we'll run into someone who hasn't heard, and they ask, and we have to explain, and it sort of all comes back. Which is not to say that I hate people asking -- it just all seems so pointless and inexplicable, it's hard to rehash. And really nice, well meaning people say things like "well, it must be for the best" or "well, there must be something better out there for you!" (groan) -- because there is absolutely nothing worthwhile to say about such a ridiculous, rotten situation.
So sometime there will be a true end to this whole thing, and at that point we'll certainly broadcast that info. Until then (and after then, too) you can just continue to pray for God's grace to us.
And just in case you really want to wallow in it some more -- you can order Ted's new book Hello, I Love You. It's the story of our adoptions, but it's actually a compelling read because he wrote it (not me). It's actually really great, I've read it several times throughout the writing and editing process -- I just can't read it right now, it's a little too gut-wrenching for me. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't check it out -- here's the link.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The Sale Results
I am happy to report to you that the sale was an enormous success! Lots of donated stuff, two days of hard work, and we earned around $1,500. This was more than I could have hoped for, and a good return on our labor.
Lots and lots of people helped, and there's just no way I could have done something so huge by myself. I don't even know all the specific people who helped, but I do want to thank a few in particular. Many people donated things to sell, some quite valuable. This of course was critical for the success of the sale, and pretty much everyone who walked in the door was impressed with the sheer volume of stuff, so thank you everyone who donated item to sell.
Friday we had the huge job of sorting, organizing, and pricing all the merchandise -- what a job! It was a little overwhelming to walk into the room Friday morning and see all that was in there, but I had many helpers, and what do you know, it went very quickly. Most notably, Amie Ehnis really knew what to do to get things going, and she helped a ton both Friday and Saturday. My mom was there the whole time I was, Friday and Saturday, and even talked some of her friends into coming and helping/buying. And then the wonderful Steph Hays spent all day Friday and again Saturday -- we got a bit giddy pricing some of the more, ah, unusual items together!
Then there was the bake sale, which was quite impressive! There were so many delicious and beautiful goodies to buy, we had some people come back for seconds. A special thanks goes out to Greta Lankheet, for coordiating the bake sale, sharing a little moment with me in the kitchen, and staying (with Brad and the kids) to help clean up right to the end.
My cousin Beth gets a special mention too, as it was her idea, and she gave up her Saturday to help. And the there is the URC diaconate, who approved this scheme, and my dear boss Sherre Whalon, Facilities Coordinator who supported the process (even though it created a lot more work for her!) Plenty of others came and helped, shopped, and encouraged me through this process -- if I try to name you all I'll be sure to forget someone, not because your contribution was insignificant, but because that whole weekend is a bit of a blur. So to each of you who helped in every way, thank you truly. It was been a lightening of our burden to be able to chip away at our adoption debts through these fundraising efforts.
As far as Anastasia is concerned, there is no real update. At this time we are just waiting to hear when her adoption by this other couple is final. The reality of this has been slow to sink in, as we try to reshape our ideas of the future for our family. The sense of loss has been suprising. There have been some good, encouraging things that happened this week, but I continue to find it hard to accept this blow without feeling depressed, confused, even betrayed by God. The thought of the maturity I have the opportunity to gain through this trial seems cold comfort in comparison to the joy of having this little girl as my daughter. You can pray that I can see God's hand in even this, and that I would be able to regain some faith in His goodness.
Lots and lots of people helped, and there's just no way I could have done something so huge by myself. I don't even know all the specific people who helped, but I do want to thank a few in particular. Many people donated things to sell, some quite valuable. This of course was critical for the success of the sale, and pretty much everyone who walked in the door was impressed with the sheer volume of stuff, so thank you everyone who donated item to sell.
Friday we had the huge job of sorting, organizing, and pricing all the merchandise -- what a job! It was a little overwhelming to walk into the room Friday morning and see all that was in there, but I had many helpers, and what do you know, it went very quickly. Most notably, Amie Ehnis really knew what to do to get things going, and she helped a ton both Friday and Saturday. My mom was there the whole time I was, Friday and Saturday, and even talked some of her friends into coming and helping/buying. And then the wonderful Steph Hays spent all day Friday and again Saturday -- we got a bit giddy pricing some of the more, ah, unusual items together!
Then there was the bake sale, which was quite impressive! There were so many delicious and beautiful goodies to buy, we had some people come back for seconds. A special thanks goes out to Greta Lankheet, for coordiating the bake sale, sharing a little moment with me in the kitchen, and staying (with Brad and the kids) to help clean up right to the end.
My cousin Beth gets a special mention too, as it was her idea, and she gave up her Saturday to help. And the there is the URC diaconate, who approved this scheme, and my dear boss Sherre Whalon, Facilities Coordinator who supported the process (even though it created a lot more work for her!) Plenty of others came and helped, shopped, and encouraged me through this process -- if I try to name you all I'll be sure to forget someone, not because your contribution was insignificant, but because that whole weekend is a bit of a blur. So to each of you who helped in every way, thank you truly. It was been a lightening of our burden to be able to chip away at our adoption debts through these fundraising efforts.
As far as Anastasia is concerned, there is no real update. At this time we are just waiting to hear when her adoption by this other couple is final. The reality of this has been slow to sink in, as we try to reshape our ideas of the future for our family. The sense of loss has been suprising. There have been some good, encouraging things that happened this week, but I continue to find it hard to accept this blow without feeling depressed, confused, even betrayed by God. The thought of the maturity I have the opportunity to gain through this trial seems cold comfort in comparison to the joy of having this little girl as my daughter. You can pray that I can see God's hand in even this, and that I would be able to regain some faith in His goodness.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
How You Doin?
The sale is in 2 days (although for me, it starts in earnest tomorrow -- all the organizing, pricing -- and most dreaded of all, all the decisions to make!! oh dear!) and when I think about it, I feel a little bit sick, on several accounts:
- I was sick. Tuesday night I set a new "personal best" in throwing up. Totally disgusting. Every bit as bad as I remember it to be, from the last time I threw up, which was probably more than 1o years ago. But I'm over it now, so don't be afraid of me.
- The whole purpose of this confounded sale has died, and with it my motivation. Although, I suppose, it's still a good thing to raise money to pay off the seemingly endless debt accrued from our 2nd adoption.
- All the ways this sale could go massively wrong. Not enough stuff. Not enough advertising. Bad weather. Too much stuff. Not enough shoppers. Not worth the hassle.
The really amazing thing about this whole disaster has been seeing the way people have rallied around us. So many sweet folks have been helping me with this sale, and lots more are going to give parts of their Fridays and Saturdays to help me do this. It's been a very tangible way to see the loving support of friends and family. And that is certainly much more than a silver lining.
Lots of people have asked me in the past week or two how I'm doing, and I've sort of struggled to answer. Not because I'm unsure how to express how I feel, or even unwilling to articulate (yeah, this is me here -- never unwilling to talk!) but because it's all so conflicting, and would sort of take an hour. So I thought maybe I would try to give a concise answer to that question here -- all the different versions of how I've been feeling, because it changes daily (at least.)
The initial shock and outrage has mostly passed, the sense of being paralyzed. I wouldn't care to relive those first few days. There has been a gradual sense of getting used to this new reality, acceptance of the inevitable. Which we are trying to balance with a sense of staying open to God moving and changing what appears to be immovable, but until her adoption by this other couple is final, we don't want to close the door completely. (And let me just take this moment to thank each of you who have been praying earnestly for this very thing. If prayers were somehow a sort of tabulated voting process, the sheer numbers of people all over this country, and even the world, who are praying for us would assure us a victory in this matter. This gives me comfort, even though I know, and even rejoice, that this is not the way God works!)
This is a very strange place to be in. We have had our whole future plans changed first one way (a year ago, when we first met Anastasia and chose to pursue this crazy 3rd adoption, against all reason, when we had only planned for 2) and now another major change. We have to plan, and think about the future sometimes, or we can't make wise decisions. At this point, it looks like our future includes the two boys we have been graciously given, but not any other children. So once again, we change our plans -- which I'm beginning to realize is kind of just how life is.
When I think about the injustice of this -- siblings being permanently separated, a year's (a lifetime's) hopes washed down the drain, all the money and time we put into this that can never be recovered, half-truths that were told to us, how much more precarious our financial situation has become because of planning for this -- I go crazy. I get mad and indignant and just completely worked up. I start thinking things like ... If they had told us that we could only have her if no one else saw her and wanted her, we would have saved ourselves so much pain! We would have put all that money into paying off our debts, instead of a hopeless cause! We wouldn't feel like such trusting suckers! A few wise family members have counciled me that I must just let it go, and I know they are right. But how can they get away with this?!!? It's easier to know I should let it go than to actually let it go. We did what, at the time, seemed the only right thing to do, we felt we were being obedient to God, and we must trust the results to Him.
So then there is the sadness part. In many ways, after the initial shock wore off, it hasn't been as bad as I might have thought. This whole thing -- being given the opportunity to have not just a much wanted 3rd child, but a darling little girl no less! -- has always felt a little too good to be true. Lots of other dreams along the way have bit the dust, so why should this one come true? And we know Ukraine -- I think, in the backs of our minds, we've always known this was a possibility. We didn't get a chance to get to know her, much as we wanted to, when we were in Ukraine, so there is not so much the loss of a known entitity so much as a dream of what might have been. All those daughter dreams. They have been very hard to give up, especially when faced with rows of bright-eyed 2 year old little girls at church... The moment I realized I should put my crib in the sale, instead of using it again like I so hoped to do, was a very hard moment.
But God has been so gracious to me. He has picked me up, and propelled me through the days. Many times with tears in my eyes, but still -- it's nearly impossible to stand still and grieve with 2 active boys to care for! I've had lots of busy things to fill my days, and many concerned people looking out for me and caring for me in so many tangible ways. It sounds weird, but right now we've been hearing from other people about the hard things they have been dealing with, and it makes us feel so much better! Sometimes because it's similar to what we are going through, but most of the time it's just good to know we are not the only ones being sanctified. I hope that doesn't sound cruel, or like misery just loves company. It's just nice to be reminded that God disciplines those He loves, and we are not alone.
It is so easy to think that the things we lack are the very things that would make us the most happy. And while we're thinking that, we forget to enjoy the many things we already have. I want to be sure that when I look back on this time, I can say I loved what I have and enjoyed it to the fullest! Thank You, soverign Lord, for Your sweet salvation, the family, the home, the friends, the provisions You have so generously given me! I trust Your goodness -- help me trust You more fully even amidst disappointment!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Jump into my nightmare, the water is warm.
We got the latest update from our agency, which is that no letters or appeals of any kind can be sent. I'll just copy the text below:
"I did forward the letters to Michael, but he said all the advocating has been done by those that can do advocating. The issue is that the information had been given unofficially and if it hadn't been given than we wouldn't even have at all until documents were submitted and she wasn't available anymore.
The orphanage, director, SDA, Lesya all knew about the family's desire to adopt Anastasya. They have spoken and done what can be done to advocate on behalf of the family. Due to the current climate of having families adopt domestically, no one is able to push any more.
Michael is going to continue to check to see what happens to see if the adoption does go through."
We are now referred to as "the family." It's not personal, it's business. Further proving that there's a Jerry McGuire quote for every situation.
So as you can see, we get to just sit back and watch it all fall apart. These Ukrainians, who saw Anastasia for the first time on April 26, 2010, get to undo all of our work, plans, hopes of over a year. Needless to say, that sucks, and we're having a hard time seeing or feeling goodness in all of this. Pray for us. We'll begin to unpack the financial nightmare next week.
"I did forward the letters to Michael, but he said all the advocating has been done by those that can do advocating. The issue is that the information had been given unofficially and if it hadn't been given than we wouldn't even have at all until documents were submitted and she wasn't available anymore.
The orphanage, director, SDA, Lesya all knew about the family's desire to adopt Anastasya. They have spoken and done what can be done to advocate on behalf of the family. Due to the current climate of having families adopt domestically, no one is able to push any more.
Michael is going to continue to check to see what happens to see if the adoption does go through."
We are now referred to as "the family." It's not personal, it's business. Further proving that there's a Jerry McGuire quote for every situation.
So as you can see, we get to just sit back and watch it all fall apart. These Ukrainians, who saw Anastasia for the first time on April 26, 2010, get to undo all of our work, plans, hopes of over a year. Needless to say, that sucks, and we're having a hard time seeing or feeling goodness in all of this. Pray for us. We'll begin to unpack the financial nightmare next week.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Sale Must Go On
Lots of people have asked me if we're still going forward with the sale. I am, for several reasons. First of all, it's out there already -- even if I tried to cancel it, I couldn't get the word out to everyone who thinks it's happening. Secondly, we have adoption costs to pay for, even though it looks unlikely right now that our adoption of Anastasia will happen. We still have lots of adoption debt left from Maxim, and anything we can put towards this will be a huge help. And as long as there is a chance, even a tiny chance, that we could still adopt Anastasia, we will keep saving any money raised towards this possibility. So if you have items you still want to donate towards the sale, or can help me on Friday May 14 or Saturday May 15 this will still be helpful.
Let me also take this time to clarify where things stand in regards to Anastasia, and how we are doing.
Since hearing on Thursday that another family was trying to adopt her, we have run the gamut of emotions. Our initial reaction was anger and frustration at the injustice of someone trying to usurp our legal claim to her. It was hard to wait, not understanding what was going on. On Saturday, we learned about the law change that allows the family, legally, to pursue her adoption in spite of our connection to her. This news, while it drained away a lot of the anger that stemmed from thinking something illegal was happening, felt like the end of all our hopes.
I'll try to explain what happened. The State Department of Adoptions (SDA) has on file our petition to adopt Anastasia, and they still consider our claim to her valid. In the past, everyone who wanted to adopt had to go through the SDA; a new law allows nationals to bypass the SDA and go directly to the orphanages. The orphanage director tried to dissuade this family from moving towards adopting Anastasia, but they refused to listen to her and have begun the adoption proceedings. At this time there is NO law that would prevent the adoption. The only chance we have is that they would have a change of heart, or that something else would stop their adoption. I think that the judge presiding over the case does have the right to deny a petition for adoption, if they think the family is unfit to care for the child, or that it is not in the best interest of the child to be adopted by them. To this end, we have written a letter to the judge to inform them of our relationship with Anastasia and reassert our intention to adopt her if allowed. We have also written to the family (including pictures of our family, so they can see the resemblance between Maxim and Anastasia), asking them to reconsider. A representative from the orphanage is allowed to appear at the court on the day the case is decided, so we has also written a letter to the orphanage director asking if she would appear in court on our behalf. We hope we can send these letters in the next few days.
These hopes are very slim hopes, from a worldly perspective. We are not at this point certain that we can get these letters delivered, or that they would even be read. It would be a miraculous work of God to stop this process that is already in motion, but we know that He is capable of doing it, if He so chooses. Our powerful and soverign God can change hearts of stone to hearts of flesh, can turn us who were dead in our trespasses to become alive in Christ, so we know that He can change the hearts of this seemingly heartless couple. He can give our request favor in the eyes of the judge if He chooses. We also know that for His good purposes, He does not always move in the ways we wish, and this is good, even when it feels bad.
At this time, we are waiting on Him. We will do everything that is in our power (which is precious little) and trust that only He can actually make the change. We are praying earnestly that He will move on our behalf, and allow us to bring this precious girl into our family. We won't undo any of our adoption progress until we know for sure that her adoption by this other couple is final. If that happens, we will pray for the grace to accept it. After 3 intensely emotional day, we now feel a deep sense of peace about the situation, and are so thankful for the many prayers that have contributed to this. God is good -- we thank Him for the many many blessings He has already given us, especially the two sweet boys He has entrusted to our care! (This dilemma helps us to realize again how very amazing it is that we have them!) And we trust that whatever comes, He will uphold us with His righteous right hand!
Join us in prayer:
- That our letters would reach the family, judge, and director, and be read.
- That God would even now begin working in hearts to give us favor with those whose decisons impact this situation.
- That we will trust God to resolve this situation according to His will, while we earnestly pray that He would clear the way for us to adopt Anastasia!
- That He will protect our hearts from bitterness and doubt.
- That we will go to Him for comfort, and wait patiently in the days, weeks, even months of uncertainty ahead (this is especially hard, as the outcome will forever change our family. I like to plan ahead, and this will have us living in a state of being "on hold" for potentially a long time.)
Thank you, dear friends and family, for your prayers for our family! Love, Kristin
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Anastasia Update
Friends and Family,
We received an update from our Bethany caseworker explaining that a change in Ukrainian law made it possible for this other family to begin adopting Anastasia. We were assured that the orphanage director did all she could to prevent this.
We're heartbroken. We're going to try one last appeal to the family, via letters to both the family and the judge presiding over the case. If that doesn't work (unlikely), it will be over.
Please pray for us.
Ted and Kristin
We received an update from our Bethany caseworker explaining that a change in Ukrainian law made it possible for this other family to begin adopting Anastasia. We were assured that the orphanage director did all she could to prevent this.
We're heartbroken. We're going to try one last appeal to the family, via letters to both the family and the judge presiding over the case. If that doesn't work (unlikely), it will be over.
Please pray for us.
Ted and Kristin
Anastasia Update
Friends and Family,
We received an update from our Bethany caseworker this morning, explaining that a law had changed in ukraine making it possible for "out of region" (ie, couples not from Kiev) to pursue a domestic adoption before Anastasia was eligible for the International Database in September (when we would have adopted her). We were assured that the orphanage director did everything she could to dissuade this family from adopting her, knowing that we intended to come for her. The director had successfully dissuaded at least ten other families from doing the same thing. This family persisted.
We're heartbroken. At some point soon we'll contact everyone who has been praying for us and supporting us through this...and tell them that it's officially over. Before that, though, we're going to send a letter and a family picture via email to our Bethany contacts, and perhaps the judge, to deliver to this family, asking them to reconsider. We're sure this won't work, but we want to try.
We'll follow up next week to ask the obvious logistical questions of what happens to all of the money we've spent thus far. We're done with this process (adopting)...so we won't be putting it toward a future adoption. I don't think we can go through all of this again.
Thanks,
Ted and Kristin
Friday, April 30, 2010
Not the news we were waiting for...
Ted likes to be "prepared" for trouble -- meaning, not have it take him by suprise. It's the funniest when we're watching a movie, and he wants to identify the "sacrificial lamb" right away, so he's not too disappointed when his favorite character gets shot up by unethical gangsters halfway through. In our personal life, this means expecting the worst all the time, and then being pleasantly suprised when anything good happens. And lately, this has been a good policy, as we've suffered a number of significant work-related disappointments. However, it's still really, really disappointing.
From the very beginning of this process to adopt Anastasia, we have been very cautious with our emotions. We've tried really hard to say "if" instead of "when" while still faithfully planning for her and doing what needed to be done to make it happen. I think it was about March 26 though, when we hosted KluckStock and were so blown away by the support of our friends and family, and recieved such a significant portion of our financial needs, that we started to let our guard down. For one thing, the things to be done for the adoption were beginning to ratchet up -- I've been spending about half of my week on fundraising and adoption-related tasks. One of the big emotional barriers we had put up was that there were going to be no physical, tangible evidences of a girl coming to live here. Several people have offered me girl clothes (one of the things I've most anticipated) and I've always said -- not yet. But yesterday morning, I was down in the basement sorting through stuff for the garage sale, including some stuff my sister had given me that my nieces had outgrown. And there were a few little dresses that came out of the garage sale pile, that I took upstairs and showed Ted, and said this we'll save for our daughter! I joyfully hung those dresses in the closet of our extra bedroom, to wait for her. The guards are down, we're all in.
It wasn't more than an hour later that my social worker called, with the very bad news. A Ukrainian family has seen Anastasia (this was not legal) and has visited her (also not legal) and has filed for adoption of her (not. legal. according to what we had been PROMISED by our agency.) The director of the orphanage where she lives told this family that she is spoken for, but they did not care, and have gone forward with trying to adopt her. Now, if it's not legal, you might ask, how can they do it? This is Ukraine, where money and influence talk (and they clearly have both, or they wouldn't have gotten this far), not America, where people who take bribes get in trouble. We should have known this could happen, but we were too busy trusting our agency, believing in a flimsy "legal document" that we signed a year ago, and waiting to make our move (at our agency's instruction.) Our agency's initial response was, we're sorry, there's nothing we can do.
The distressing thing in all of this is that we have absolutely no recourse, except through our agency. And while they are sympathetic, and willing to "ask questions," time is passing, and this other family is DOING something -- they are adopting our child! And we are waiting, waiting, waiting, totally unsure of what will happen. If we do nothing, for sure she is gone. If we move heaven and earth (not even sure how we would do that) she might be gone anyway. Unless God intervenes, it looks very very bleak.
So would you join us in praying for justice? That our agency would ACT on our behalf (we have already paid them a lot of money to be our advocates.) That we would hear back from Dr. D, the head of the agency on the Ukraine side (who is mysteriously "hard to reach" right now) who is the only one who can do anything. That we would be able to trust God in all of this, and carry on with our lives while we wait. That somehow, in this, we will be able to praise Him and see His Name honored.
And then practically -- about this horrible sale. I'm going to go forward with it, mainly because it's already in motion. If the bottom falls out, and we can't complete this adoption (I refuse to accept this yet -- I am prepared to fight this with everything in me) then I guess we'll talk about what happens to the money we raised at that time. It kinda takes the wind right out of our sails, and if you no longer want to donate your stuff, I understand. I am just trying, against all reason, to maintain a little hope as long as there is a chance.
From the very beginning of this process to adopt Anastasia, we have been very cautious with our emotions. We've tried really hard to say "if" instead of "when" while still faithfully planning for her and doing what needed to be done to make it happen. I think it was about March 26 though, when we hosted KluckStock and were so blown away by the support of our friends and family, and recieved such a significant portion of our financial needs, that we started to let our guard down. For one thing, the things to be done for the adoption were beginning to ratchet up -- I've been spending about half of my week on fundraising and adoption-related tasks. One of the big emotional barriers we had put up was that there were going to be no physical, tangible evidences of a girl coming to live here. Several people have offered me girl clothes (one of the things I've most anticipated) and I've always said -- not yet. But yesterday morning, I was down in the basement sorting through stuff for the garage sale, including some stuff my sister had given me that my nieces had outgrown. And there were a few little dresses that came out of the garage sale pile, that I took upstairs and showed Ted, and said this we'll save for our daughter! I joyfully hung those dresses in the closet of our extra bedroom, to wait for her. The guards are down, we're all in.
It wasn't more than an hour later that my social worker called, with the very bad news. A Ukrainian family has seen Anastasia (this was not legal) and has visited her (also not legal) and has filed for adoption of her (not. legal. according to what we had been PROMISED by our agency.) The director of the orphanage where she lives told this family that she is spoken for, but they did not care, and have gone forward with trying to adopt her. Now, if it's not legal, you might ask, how can they do it? This is Ukraine, where money and influence talk (and they clearly have both, or they wouldn't have gotten this far), not America, where people who take bribes get in trouble. We should have known this could happen, but we were too busy trusting our agency, believing in a flimsy "legal document" that we signed a year ago, and waiting to make our move (at our agency's instruction.) Our agency's initial response was, we're sorry, there's nothing we can do.
The distressing thing in all of this is that we have absolutely no recourse, except through our agency. And while they are sympathetic, and willing to "ask questions," time is passing, and this other family is DOING something -- they are adopting our child! And we are waiting, waiting, waiting, totally unsure of what will happen. If we do nothing, for sure she is gone. If we move heaven and earth (not even sure how we would do that) she might be gone anyway. Unless God intervenes, it looks very very bleak.
So would you join us in praying for justice? That our agency would ACT on our behalf (we have already paid them a lot of money to be our advocates.) That we would hear back from Dr. D, the head of the agency on the Ukraine side (who is mysteriously "hard to reach" right now) who is the only one who can do anything. That we would be able to trust God in all of this, and carry on with our lives while we wait. That somehow, in this, we will be able to praise Him and see His Name honored.
And then practically -- about this horrible sale. I'm going to go forward with it, mainly because it's already in motion. If the bottom falls out, and we can't complete this adoption (I refuse to accept this yet -- I am prepared to fight this with everything in me) then I guess we'll talk about what happens to the money we raised at that time. It kinda takes the wind right out of our sails, and if you no longer want to donate your stuff, I understand. I am just trying, against all reason, to maintain a little hope as long as there is a chance.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I frequently get asked "how's the adoption going" or "what's new with the adoption?". It's cool to see how many people are interested in (and supportive of!!) our adoption progress, that's been very encouraging. What's frustrating, though, is how seldom I actually have any new or exciting news to share! However -- rest assured, that when I do -- YOU, faithful blog followers, will be the very first to know! And because I want to keep you all hooked to following the blog (partially to feed my pathetic ego -- but also so that when there is big news, people hear of it) I feel like I should post something at least weekly -- but I'm kind of at a loss of what to say this week, because literally, nothing has happened.
It was one of those weeks where I felt just absolutely wrung out, and run down. Busy every single minute it felt like, yet I'm a bit hard pressed to say exactly what it was I was so busy with. I did wrap up the latest session of Christianity Explored, so that was certainly a part of the week. For those of you who don't know what Christianity Explored is -- it's this really awesome event our church does (it was actually started by a church in London) where people who are curious about Christianity can come and eat a meal and discuss it in a non-threatening environment (they don't have to sing or pray or be able to find obscure verses in Habbakuk.) My role in this production has been to cook the meal each week -- and I've absolutely loved it! I was given free reign to plan the meals, get the ingredients, and gather a team of people to help me in the kitchen so we can have a meal for 40-50 people ready at 6:30 on Wednesdays. And I have to admit, I've spent a lot more time thinking about the food and hospitality part of it than about the content of the event, even though the content, not the food, is the part that's a big deal. But anyway, I've done this now for 3 or 4 sessions (10 week sessions) and it has really been a great chance to sort of try my hand at something I've always wanted to do, and it's gone pretty well. It also gave me a great chance to sort of refine some of my recipes, as well as plan out full menus (you know, what goes with what) which is really coming in handy as I work on my cookbook.
And I have been working on my book! It's been great fun -- I never realized I had so much to say about food! Originally, I thought it would just sort of be a collection of recipes, but it's grown to be much more than that, already. Each recipe, as I've entered in into the document, has a memory or association or at the very least some special instructions or ideas. So it's not just the recipe itself, but the story of that recipe. It's kind of become a no-holds-barred trip down memory lane, replete with all my personal opinions and dumb biases. Sort of a window into my soul, if you will. Some of the opinions are ugly -- yes, it's true. I share my deep hatred of such terrible things as loaf bread and cold cereal and don't even get me started on poor quality vanilla extract! -- that's right, I don't hold anything back. They don't call me the saucy broad for nothing!
I've also been working on this Family to Family sale thing. And by "working on" I mean thinking about and stressing out about it. I don't know anything about hosting sales! I don't know how to advertise stuff! I don't know how to get people to donate stuff! I definitely don't know how to organize a huge pile of stuff (hopefully) into a neatly categorized and labeled buying-frenzy-display! But -- I didn't know how to organize an awesome fundraising party, and that worked out, right? And I didn't think I would have enough recipes or opinions about food to write a cookbook, and it's going great! I really didn't think I could rally together the stamina to complete not one, not two, but three international adoptions. So surely I can do a sale too! Right? (this would be an appropriate time to give me a pep talk. yes, I am needy.)
But lest you think there is absolutely nothing new under the sun, allow me to intoduce you to an exciting new product put out by my publisher -- Gut Check Press. (did you catch that, kids? My publisher. That's right, I. Have. A. Publisher!!) This book, called Kinda Christianity is not only going to give you something to do while you wait for my book, it's going to keep you up at night laughing! So get yourself on over to Amazon, and buy the booky!
It was one of those weeks where I felt just absolutely wrung out, and run down. Busy every single minute it felt like, yet I'm a bit hard pressed to say exactly what it was I was so busy with. I did wrap up the latest session of Christianity Explored, so that was certainly a part of the week. For those of you who don't know what Christianity Explored is -- it's this really awesome event our church does (it was actually started by a church in London) where people who are curious about Christianity can come and eat a meal and discuss it in a non-threatening environment (they don't have to sing or pray or be able to find obscure verses in Habbakuk.) My role in this production has been to cook the meal each week -- and I've absolutely loved it! I was given free reign to plan the meals, get the ingredients, and gather a team of people to help me in the kitchen so we can have a meal for 40-50 people ready at 6:30 on Wednesdays. And I have to admit, I've spent a lot more time thinking about the food and hospitality part of it than about the content of the event, even though the content, not the food, is the part that's a big deal. But anyway, I've done this now for 3 or 4 sessions (10 week sessions) and it has really been a great chance to sort of try my hand at something I've always wanted to do, and it's gone pretty well. It also gave me a great chance to sort of refine some of my recipes, as well as plan out full menus (you know, what goes with what) which is really coming in handy as I work on my cookbook.
And I have been working on my book! It's been great fun -- I never realized I had so much to say about food! Originally, I thought it would just sort of be a collection of recipes, but it's grown to be much more than that, already. Each recipe, as I've entered in into the document, has a memory or association or at the very least some special instructions or ideas. So it's not just the recipe itself, but the story of that recipe. It's kind of become a no-holds-barred trip down memory lane, replete with all my personal opinions and dumb biases. Sort of a window into my soul, if you will. Some of the opinions are ugly -- yes, it's true. I share my deep hatred of such terrible things as loaf bread and cold cereal and don't even get me started on poor quality vanilla extract! -- that's right, I don't hold anything back. They don't call me the saucy broad for nothing!
I've also been working on this Family to Family sale thing. And by "working on" I mean thinking about and stressing out about it. I don't know anything about hosting sales! I don't know how to advertise stuff! I don't know how to get people to donate stuff! I definitely don't know how to organize a huge pile of stuff (hopefully) into a neatly categorized and labeled buying-frenzy-display! But -- I didn't know how to organize an awesome fundraising party, and that worked out, right? And I didn't think I would have enough recipes or opinions about food to write a cookbook, and it's going great! I really didn't think I could rally together the stamina to complete not one, not two, but three international adoptions. So surely I can do a sale too! Right? (this would be an appropriate time to give me a pep talk. yes, I am needy.)
But lest you think there is absolutely nothing new under the sun, allow me to intoduce you to an exciting new product put out by my publisher -- Gut Check Press. (did you catch that, kids? My publisher. That's right, I. Have. A. Publisher!!) This book, called Kinda Christianity is not only going to give you something to do while you wait for my book, it's going to keep you up at night laughing! So get yourself on over to Amazon, and buy the booky!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
May 15
Hey Campers,
I'm sure you've all scurried over to the Gut Check Press site looked for my cookbook - and it'll be there soon! But in case you're just feeling overwhelmed with the yawning expanse of time between now and when you can get your grubby little paws on Saucy Broad, I've got something else for you to do.
I told you that I would be hosting a BIG SALE and that I would give you details soon, so here it is:
(Aside: Some of you may wonder why I'm not calling this a Mom 2 Mom sale anymore. It's because the phrase "Mom 2 Mom Sale" is officially trademarked, meaning that we would have to pay some hen a large amount of cashish to use it. Not worth it. Also a sign of the impending apocolypse, in my humble opinion. Anyway)
When: May 15, 2010 9am to 1pm
Where: URC Multipurpose Room
What: A huge smorgasboard of cool (slightly used) stuff you can buy and/or a great chance to clear out your closet/attic/basement/garage and donate your stuff to my sale! All proceeds will go towards the KluckAdoption Cause!
How: can you get involved? Easy!
1) Start cleaning, have your stuff ready to bring to URC on May 14 (if you want brownie points, get your friends and family to donate their extra stuff too) I'll take anything that would sell at a garage sale (kids stuff, furniture (ok, nothing too huge) household stuff -- you get the idea.)
2) Come up with a brilliant plan to advertise this event to the greater Lansing area, and then offer to DO the advertising so I can focus on "managing" the event. Maybe you can announce it via your facebook statuses, messages to friends, etc.
3) Come to URC on Friday May 14 and help me organize and price stuff. It sounds like work, but it will actually be SUPER fun.
4) Come to URC on Saturday May 15 to help me run the sale, OR to buy stuff, OR to help me clean up afterwards (and get the room ready for church on Sunday.) This will also be SUPER fun.
5)Think of(and make?) other cool things that could sell at this event: hair barettes, cookies, matchy mother/daughter apron sets, whatever!
I'm sure if I were the Pioneer Woman I would think of something sufficiently wry/self-deprecating (but still fabulous-sounding) and completely perfect to add here...something that would make you think "I need to try that" but REALLY make you think "I wish I WAS her!!" Which, I think, lies at the heart of the Pioneer Woman's appeal, and also drives her overwhelming ability to move product. However, if Ted and I have proven anything, it is that we are NOT cooler than you, and we are completely underwhelming in the area of moving product.
So what am I saying? To quote the timeless fount of wisdom that is Jerry Ma (bleepin') Guire. "Jump into our nightmare while the water's warm." Translation: If you missed KluckStock, don't miss the no-longer Mom to Mom sale on May 15.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Saucy Broad
Well folks, this is what you've all been waiting for -- the much anticipated reveal of my next fundraising projects!! They won't disappoint...
The first (and to me, most exciting) is that I am going to be the 2nd ever published author at Gut Check Press!! What the hey? Gut Check Press is Ted's newest (and most gutsy!) project yet, his very own publishing empire! He and partner-in-crime Zach Bartels are starting a up small publishing house of their own -- you can check it out at www.gutcheckpress.com it's pretty cool.
So, what does that have to do with me becoming a real live bona-fide author? I'm going to write a cookbook, entitled: Saucy Broad, A Culinary Manifesto of Hope -- and you, dear reader, will have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy it! Lots of you have told me that I should do a cookbook, or at least a collection of my recipes, and I've never really thought that the effort it would take to do this would be worth it -- I mean, come on, how many of these would I really sell? It's not like I'm famous or anything! And it's not like my recipes are all 100% original material -- almost all of them I got somewhere, and maybe tweaked a little. But then Bethany Erhlich was nudging me to do it, and she suggested I self-publish (which removes the huge hassle of trying to convince a publishing company that I could sell more than 15). And right as she was telling me about this, I remembered that Ted's setting up his own press -- he could publish it!
So we're going to do a print-on-demand thing, which means there is little overhead in set-up costs, and they print them as they are ordered (so if only 15 get ordered, there won't be another 985 sitting in a warehouse somewhere collecting dust.) Bethany also suggested I do this as an adoption fundraiser -- which actually made sense to me on the motivation level. So I've actually started it (shocking, I know) and have a good bit done already! I'm hoping it will be ready to hit the presses by Memorial Day maybe? (Ok, even typing that sort of freaks me out. Wow, that's ambitious). Folks will be able to order it maybe here, or for sure on the Gut Check Press website, and all the proceeds will go towards our adoptions (and since we're self publishing, that will be a lot bigger of a percentage than if there was a Big House publisher foolish enough to take this on.)
SO -- get excited, and start saving your pennies now, kiddos, because it's gonna be saucy -- just like me! All my recipes, all the fun little facts you'd learn from me if we were cooking together in the kitchen, plus some bonus fun essays (about food? cooking? maybe even about me! probably not, that'd be lame) from none other than world-famous author Ted Kluck! It will basically be just like having Ted and I over every single night, only you don't have to feed us, and as soon as you're tired of us you can close the book.
Onto other fundraising news: I am almost 100% sure that I am going to move forward with this mom2mom sale idea. I've begun the process of reserving the venue for the date (I'll reveal that as soon as it's confirmed.) So you can start setting aside all that sweet stuff that you don't need anymore but that other people will be dying to buy. And start thinking of ways to help me advertise this thing, 'cause I don't have a clue. And planning to come weekend of, for some good times whilst we organize, tag, and sell sell sell! Should be fun!
Monday, March 29, 2010
KluckStock 2010!!
As I, Kristin, make my re-entry back into the world of blogging, I thought I would start off with a bang – and tell you all about Kluckstock!
Kluckstock was the kickoff of our adoption fundraising efforts – a little party we hosted at our church (URC) to tell people about our plans and needs. It was also, incidentally, super fun! We had a boatload of desserts (all homemade by me, and a group of friends – I figure we logged about 48 man-hours last week baking. But boy, what fun!) karaoke, a sweet silent auction, trivial pursuit, and a kids movie! There were lots of folks there (estimates range from 70 – 200)and it looked like everyone was having a great time – we sure did! It was pretty amazing to look around the room and realize that lots of people who are dear to us (it was mostly people from church, but there were several who came to a strange church just for the purpose of supporting us, which was awesome!) took time out of their busy schedules to come hear us talk, give us money, and have a good time. It was even more amazing to see lots of people we didn’t know who came for the same reasons! I was humbled to see lots of college students there too – students who are a lot more mature and selfless than I was when I was a student!
There were tons of people who helped us pull this whole thing off. Trisha and Amie did lots of work getting the silent auction stuff together – which was a huge hit! And a huge amount of work to do, I’m afraid, but I wouldn’t know because I just left it in their capable hands, showed up, and there it was… beautiful! I had lots and lots of kitchen helpers, baking the yummy delicacies we all enjoyed: Heidi, Danielle, Priscilla, Katherine, Steph, Amie, Booty, Margie, Megan and Jami – thanks so much! I think I has as much fun baking as I did at Kluckstock! A big shout out goes to Sherre (facility manager at URC, and Evan and Cheese who undoubtably had more stuff to clean because of us) and the diaconate for letting us take over the building on Friday. Thanks to the DeLeons who let us use their karaoke equipment, that really made some memories! To the unsung heroes, those who took care of kids so the rest of us could have fun, thanks so much! The singing heroes deserve some props too, for getting up there and putting it all on the line -- most notably Carissa, who endured so much razzing beforehand. Your performance was worth the wait! Then there were those who helped us set up and clean up – most notably our beloved Scottie, who stayed with us to the very end. But maybe that was just because he had nothing else to do. And then, there were lots and lots of donations, both items for the silent auction and those who bought the items and just flat out gave us money – thank you thank you thank you!
So you want to hear the best part? Ok, this is pretty amazing, so get ready. We had a bill sitting on my desk from our agency for the remaining agency fee for $7,100. The fundraiser brought in $7,240. Coincidence? I don’t think so! I am so encouraged and thankful to see this tangible evidence of support from the body and God’s ability to provide.
What's next, you may ask. Financially, we still have a long ways to go. Our next big expense (we won't count paperwork and medical exams as "big") will be to buy our plane tickets, and have $20,000 in cash to take with us whenever it is we leave for Ukraine. And there is the little thing of needing a bigger car when we get home, one that will actually fit 3 boosters/carseats (this means a minivan, folks, read it and weep Ted!) So we will be applying for grants and looking for all sorts of ways to make money in the next few months -- more on that in my next post.
Paperwork wise, we've still got the lion's share to do: medical reports & labs, police reports, income documentation (this one's especially fun), FBI fingerprinting, birth & marriage certs, and the dreaded immigration papers. Sometimes I feel like completing the dossier is like having a full time job -- only it's a job I pay for instead of getting paid for!
A big thank you, everyone who made KluckStock so awesome, and thank you readers for caring about this long and torturous process -- and caring about our family! Stayed tuned, I'll be posting weekly...
Kluckstock was the kickoff of our adoption fundraising efforts – a little party we hosted at our church (URC) to tell people about our plans and needs. It was also, incidentally, super fun! We had a boatload of desserts (all homemade by me, and a group of friends – I figure we logged about 48 man-hours last week baking. But boy, what fun!) karaoke, a sweet silent auction, trivial pursuit, and a kids movie! There were lots of folks there (estimates range from 70 – 200)and it looked like everyone was having a great time – we sure did! It was pretty amazing to look around the room and realize that lots of people who are dear to us (it was mostly people from church, but there were several who came to a strange church just for the purpose of supporting us, which was awesome!) took time out of their busy schedules to come hear us talk, give us money, and have a good time. It was even more amazing to see lots of people we didn’t know who came for the same reasons! I was humbled to see lots of college students there too – students who are a lot more mature and selfless than I was when I was a student!
There were tons of people who helped us pull this whole thing off. Trisha and Amie did lots of work getting the silent auction stuff together – which was a huge hit! And a huge amount of work to do, I’m afraid, but I wouldn’t know because I just left it in their capable hands, showed up, and there it was… beautiful! I had lots and lots of kitchen helpers, baking the yummy delicacies we all enjoyed: Heidi, Danielle, Priscilla, Katherine, Steph, Amie, Booty, Margie, Megan and Jami – thanks so much! I think I has as much fun baking as I did at Kluckstock! A big shout out goes to Sherre (facility manager at URC, and Evan and Cheese who undoubtably had more stuff to clean because of us) and the diaconate for letting us take over the building on Friday. Thanks to the DeLeons who let us use their karaoke equipment, that really made some memories! To the unsung heroes, those who took care of kids so the rest of us could have fun, thanks so much! The singing heroes deserve some props too, for getting up there and putting it all on the line -- most notably Carissa, who endured so much razzing beforehand. Your performance was worth the wait! Then there were those who helped us set up and clean up – most notably our beloved Scottie, who stayed with us to the very end. But maybe that was just because he had nothing else to do. And then, there were lots and lots of donations, both items for the silent auction and those who bought the items and just flat out gave us money – thank you thank you thank you!
So you want to hear the best part? Ok, this is pretty amazing, so get ready. We had a bill sitting on my desk from our agency for the remaining agency fee for $7,100. The fundraiser brought in $7,240. Coincidence? I don’t think so! I am so encouraged and thankful to see this tangible evidence of support from the body and God’s ability to provide.
What's next, you may ask. Financially, we still have a long ways to go. Our next big expense (we won't count paperwork and medical exams as "big") will be to buy our plane tickets, and have $20,000 in cash to take with us whenever it is we leave for Ukraine. And there is the little thing of needing a bigger car when we get home, one that will actually fit 3 boosters/carseats (this means a minivan, folks, read it and weep Ted!) So we will be applying for grants and looking for all sorts of ways to make money in the next few months -- more on that in my next post.
Paperwork wise, we've still got the lion's share to do: medical reports & labs, police reports, income documentation (this one's especially fun), FBI fingerprinting, birth & marriage certs, and the dreaded immigration papers. Sometimes I feel like completing the dossier is like having a full time job -- only it's a job I pay for instead of getting paid for!
A big thank you, everyone who made KluckStock so awesome, and thank you readers for caring about this long and torturous process -- and caring about our family! Stayed tuned, I'll be posting weekly...
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